I think that there is truth to the notion that when you say something, when you put something down, it no longer is a part of you.  Suddenly it's out there, free, and rampaging.  Perhaps that is why we have to be careful of what we put out there.  In the case that we find pieces of our thoughts galloping like frazzled horses across the terrain of our reality.

What I Am Doing Here

It difficult sometimes to grab who you are with your hand, flip it into your palm and be able to rotate it in your hand.  I've realized that perhaps the reason for this is because I am transient in a big way.  Who I am is transient, and honestly I've come to realize that who I am is the combination of me with my environment.  The core self, if she does exist in my mind, doesn't exist in reality, for it is my actions, my thoughts with regard to the reality around me that actually plays in this world, that lives and breathes in this world.

So why is all this important?  I guess this first year, this year, I plan to learn.  I plan to reassess and redetermine who it is that I am through my experiences.  And also because I have an idea of who I am now; an developing idea if you will.  A start incubated by a rich last four years and two important years of intricate and brilliant people and opportunities.  I've built a self, and feel less fragile, less transient because of it, less permeable to my environment and more aware of how it acts, how it functions, the beauty and challenges within them.

So what am I doing here?  In this empty space?  I am here to work through my thoughts the way that I worked through physics problems.  It is perhaps through writing things down that I can systemically run through new thoughts - if anything it will be fun to challenge myself with theories, philosophies, and ideologies.  To have them teach me more about how I see things currently, and other ways to see things.  So here I plan to explore.  To learn rigorously.  To lead a purposeful and exploratory existence this year.  And to build a room of my own here.

So today I am reading about the Friedmann-Robertson-Walker metric and the assumption under which it operates that the universe looks the same everywhere, in all directions (isotropic).  But what is interesting is that this is hugely untrue on small scales.

And I am also working on hydrating a polymer and understanding what ratio of cationic polymer and anionic surfactant will lead to a more ordered structure.

One last thing for this year: I will be honest and straight forward about what I am learning (it's important to be honest with yourself about how much you know).